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Stephen Colbert had some enjoyable on Wednesday, devoting nearly his total monologue to the continued internecine combating amongst Republicans over Jeffrey Epstein. And at one level, he pretended to turn out to be fully consumed by conspiracy theorizing, with an elaborate idea of his personal to clarify the entire thing constructed partly on a basic tune by the Seaside Boys.
In case you’re not caught up, Republicans are having a really public battle over the declare made final week by Legal professional Normal Pam Bondi that the so-called “Epstein Recordsdata” — the alleged checklist of purchasers, and potential blackmail data purportedly saved by Jeffrey Epstein and confiscated when he was arrested in 2019 — don’t really exist. These by no means seen paperwork have been hotly speculated over since his demise that very same yr by an obvious suicide whereas in jail awaiting trial.
In the meantime, earlier this yr Bondi said that these paperwork had been very actual and really a lot in her possession and deliberate to make them public, one thing a whole lot of offended Trump supporters have introduced up. Trump for his half has been loudly downplaying Epstein’s total significance, even falsely blaming Democrats for the scandal, and is now attacking his personal supporters over the matter.
Making issues murkier, the administration launched what they claimed was uncooked footage from Jeffrey Epstein’s jail cell from across the time he killed himself, footage analysts have since confirmed was really closely doctored. Now many Trump supporters are livid, even accusing him of protecting one thing up. And that’s on high of the quite a few conspiracy theories about Epstein that present no indicators of dying down. Naturally Colbert talked about all of this and extra.
“Final week to quell the onslaught of calls for for extra of this data, the FBI launched a video of the skin of Epstein’s jail cell, however as a substitute of quashing the conspiracy theories, it simply created extra, as a result of the FBI admitted the video has a lacking minute, which is regarding, okay, however to kill a man, you’d want like, 3 times that.”
“By the way in which, final evening, an evaluation by Wired revealed this video really had almost three minutes lower out, three minutes, three lacking minutes. That’s not the form of factor that calms conspiracy theorists down guys,” Colbert continued, including, “Guys, don’t fear. Okay? The FBI says there wasn’t a shooter on the grassy knoll, okay, however we have now found three new Knolls.”
Colbert defined that Wired Journal “discovered that the video had been stitched collectively in Adobe Premiere Professional from two video information,” asking the viewers to see if they may establish the clips, at which level he performed video that abruptly lower to a parody of Porky Pig from “Looney Tunes” saying “he’s mendacity!”
“Additional evaluation confirmed that one of many supply clips was roughly two minutes and 53 seconds longer than the phase included within the ultimate video,” Colbert continued, at this level pretending to dive deep into conspiracy theories.
“So observe me down the rabbit gap. What’s two minutes and 53 seconds lengthy? The tune ‘God Solely Is aware of’ by the Seaside Boys. The place do you discover seashores? On islands. Who had a personal island when he was alive? Marlon Brando, whose title is an anagram of Almond Baron. What are almonds? Nuts. What’s additionally nuts? The Jeffrey Epstein scandal. What actually? What actually occurred to Jeffrey Epstein? God solely is aware of.”
Watch the entire monologue beneath:
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