In Washington, dirt-streaked Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. made a bold effort Friday to extract gasoline directly from the ground, aiming to increase the nation’s fuel supply and drive down soaring prices for their father.
Hands-On Approach on South Lawn
Positioned face-down in a shallow trench dug into the White House South Lawn, Donald Trump Jr. directed his brother on the technique. “I’m gonna slurp some gas out of this hole, and then while I’m spitting the gas into the bucket, you slurp up some of your own,” he instructed, confident that their alternating suction method would trigger “a real gusher” after a few pulls.
He cautioned Eric to handle the process carefully. “You just gotta be careful, because once we get this thing going, the gas is gonna shoot out with a ton of pressure. If you swallow too much of it, you have to barf it out immediately, okay?” Donald Trump Jr. added. “And then, after Dad takes what he needs to help the economy, you and I can start filling these empty two-liter bottles so he’ll have backup gas if he ever needs it.”
Unforeseen Setback
Reports indicate Eric Trump lost consciousness after keeping his face submerged in the mud for five minutes without breathing.
